What is Abuse
Abuse is a pattern of behaviour that a person uses to gain and maintain power and control over another person. They do this by using fear, intimidation, threats, and/or violence. In an intimate relationship (dating, common-law, married) the person who is abusing uses the bonds of intimacy and trust to manipulate, control, or take advantage of the other person in order to maintain control. Without intervention for the person who is abusing, the abuse will get more frequent and severe over time.
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There are many types of abuse including physical, emotional, psychological, verbal, sexual, financial, spiritual/cultural, ritual, cyber/digital, and stalking.
Types of Abuse
Physical Abuse – When an individual intentionally uses physical force that may or may not cause an injury. Some examples of physical abuse include:
- Hitting
- Kicking
- Punching
- Grabbing
- Pulling hair
- Shoving
- Burning
- Biting
- Choking
- Spitting
- Throwing things
- Use of weapons
- Any other behaviour that causes physical pain or harm
Emotional/Psychological Abuse – When an individual purposefully uses words, languages, or gestures that cause emotional pain and affects a person’s physical or mental health wellness. Some examples of emotional/psychological abuse include:
- Name calling
- Put downs
- Yelling and screaming
- Intimidation
- Intentionally embarrassing
- Controlling what someone wears
- Accusations of cheating, extreme jealousy, or possessiveness
- Brainwashing
- Silence as punishment
- Threats of suicide to keep the person in the relationship
- Threats to harm you
- Threats to harm loved ones or pets
- Withholding affection
- Manipulation
- Demands to know whereabouts at all times
- Blaming others for their actions
- Isolation (For example: not allowing communication with friends or family, moving an individual to a secluded area away from others.)
- Gaslighting (Is a form of emotional abuse where a partner manipulates situations repeatedly to trick the victim into distrusting their own memory and perceptions. They make comments that they are “crazy”.)
Verbal Abuse -A destructive form of communication that is directed towards an individual which is harsh, insulting, and often connected to tactics of emotional abuse. Some examples of verbal abuse include:
- Name calling
- Put downs
- Yelling and screaming
- Blaming
- Accusations
- Criticizing everything they do
- Threats
- Swearing
Sexual Abuse – Any action that pressures or coerces someone to do something sexually they do not want to do. Some examples of sexual abuse include:
- Any unwanted sexual acts without consent
- Unwanted touching or kissing
- Rape or attempted rape
- Inflicting feelings of guilt for declining intimacy
- Intrusive written or spoken sexual comments
- Using sexual insults toward someone
- Sexual harassment
- Refusing to use condoms or keeping someone from protecting themselves from sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
- Sexual contact with someone who is very drunk, drugged, unconscious or otherwise unable to give a clear and informed “yes” or “no”
- Exploitation (unfairtreatment of someone, or the use of a situation in a way that takes advantage of someone, in order to get some benefit)
Financial Abuse – Occurs when an individual takes control over one’s financial earnings, property or valuables, diminishing the individuals capacity to be financially independent and are then forced to become dependent on the other person. Some examples of financial abuse include:
- Not allowing the individual to obtain/keep employment
- Giving an allowance
- Demanding to know where/when money is spent
- Taking pay cheques without permission
- Not contributing at all to the household
- Forging ones name on financial documents
Spiritual/Cultural Abuse – The denial or use of spiritual, religious or cultural identity, beliefs and practices to control and dominate a person. Some examples of spiritual/cultural abuse include:
- Belittling an individual’s spiritual beliefs/practices/traditions
- Preventing from attending church, synagogue or temple of their choice
- Using religion to justify abusive behaviours
- Forcing to participate in practices that are not your own
- Using racial slurs and stereotypes
- Threatening to disclose personal information to one’s family or friends about your sexual or gender identity
Ritual Abuse – Consists of physical, sexual, emotional and spiritual abuse involving the use of rituals or ceremonial practices to gain dominance and mind control over an individual. Some examples of ritual abuse include:
- Human sacrifices
- Mutilation
- Animal mutilation
- Force to participate in rituals
- Suggestion or promotion of suicide
Cyber/Digital Abuse – A form of bullying or harassment using electronic means. Some examples of cyber/digital abuse include:
- Monitoring social media
- Threats/follow through to post things that could be degrading or humiliating
- Threats/follow through to post intimate photos
- Having passwords and demanding access to an individual’s cell phone, computers, etc.
- Stalking a person online and hacking into their accounts
- Sending mean or threatening emails or text/instant messages
- Use of apps to track you
Stalking – Stalking is a pattern of repeated behavior that includes unwanted attention, contact, harassment, or other conduct towards a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear injury or death especially because of express or implied threats. Some examples of stalking include:
- Spying on
- Showing up at your home or place of work unannounced or uninvited
- Waiting at places you frequent
- Calling your employer or family
- Repeatedly sending unwanted gifts
- Obtaining information about the individual through the use of public records, online searches, going through their garbage, or contacting family, neighbors, friends, or co-workers
For more information on different types of violence and abuse, visit www.canada.ca/en/public-health/topics/types-violence-abuse.html
Cycle of Abuse
Domestic violence (also called intimate partner violence, gender-based violence, spousal abuse, dating violence, family violence, or partner assault) is rarely a one-time occurrence. It usually takes place as part of a cycle that includes the following phases:
Insults and other verbal attacks; minor abusive situations; victim tries to be compliant, “walks on eggshells,” and feels helpless; atmosphere becomes increasingly more oppressive.
Built-up tensions erupt into incidents ranging from severe verbal/emotional abuse to physical/sexual assault and can last from a few minutes to a few days, depending on the relationship. It is during this time that a woman is most likely to be seriously injured or killed by her partner.
Following a violent episode the abuser is usually contrite and attentive; the victim once again recognizes the person they first fell in love with and may be inclined to believe their promises to change.